quarkythoughts

I am a self-proclaimed “Annual Shopper,” whether I need anything new or not. No excuses. It’s just not my thing.

That’s right, I venture into a store about once a year and only under the pressure of last-minute vacation preparations.

So, about a year ago I loaded my cart at Target with a wide array of necessities on the eve of our summer vacation. Guess you could call me a “tosser” and a “thrower.” You know the kind who can work the aisle like there’s no tomorrow and make split-decisions in a heartbeat. (I’ve been known to toss a pair of Crocs over an aisle in the shoe department and still ring the cart.) And I NEVER, EVER keep a running mental tab of what I’ll be paying at the register. That would be way too responsible!!!

Here we go. I’m rolling up to the cash register and I pray out loud, “Lord, please don’t let this be over $400.00.”

Minutes later the cashier’s jaw dropped and she said, “Do you see the total?”

$399.99

We shared a burst of excited shrieks (you’d think I’d just won $400 instead of losing it in a period of 5 minutes) and I immediately moaned, “Oh, why didn’t I say $200.00?”

Note to self: Be careful what I ask for!

Wait! Mwah, ha, ha, ha. I shall use my new powers on the unsuspecting world.

1. The jerk next door- “Lord, please don’t let him be the nicest person in the world!” Maybe that’ll make him one cent shy of being Mr. Wonderful? (i.e. maybe now he’ll mow his grass at 7:30 a.m. instead of 6:30 a.m. I sheep you not!)

2. My kids’ messy rooms- “Lord, please don’t let them pick up all their toys!” Maybe that’ll leave only the two-inch plastic skateboard won from the arcade. (you know the one- it cost about $20 and 100 red tickets)

3. World peace- “Lord, please let there be 100% world peace tonight.” Maybe that’ll get me about 99% peace throughout the planet? Wait! Check! Mark that one off the list.  I’m convinced our world is ALREADY 99% wonderful! Yes, I believe the Media gives 99% air time and attention to the 1% of dysfunction in this world, creating an illusion of a completely Whacked Out, Crazy Planet . Hmmm, think I’ll make shopping my new Every Day Event and become a certified, Annual Newswatcher.